Of Noisy Neighbours, Pre-nuptial Agreements & Aphrodisiacs, or, The One Minute Man

Zaim Al-Amin
0428 hours, Monday
20th February, 2006
Ampang - Petaling Jaya
http://zacknina.blogspot.com
http://transcendentia.blogspot.com
http://www.malaysiakini.com/rentakini/46011

Salam & salutations,

Re: Article for my Transcendentia Column, Rentakini (Lifestyles) Section, Malaysiakini

Title: Of Noisy Neighbours, Pre-nuptial Agreements & Aphrodisiacs, or, The One Minute Man

“…I never ever wanna lose your love, so I will change my life, believe in me my love, I’m coming home, loving you Sunday morning, you were on my mind love everyday, loving you Sunday morning, your love makes me fly so far away, loving you Sunday morning…”

Or so goes the lyrics of that song entitled `Loving You Sunday Morning’ by The Scorpions, which often served as my lullaby during those lazy Sundays at the Malay College, Kuala Kangsar. Maybe it’s a wee bit strange how anyone could sleep amidst full blast from some cheap Panasonic stereo, but somehow, that slow rock song had the same effect on me as a slow rocking cradle had on a newborn baby. But as I grew older, I preferred my Sundays to be quiet and peaceful. In my years of living in a secluded condominium somewhere near the hillsides of Ampang, I have taken such peace and tranquility for granted.

So it was with utter disgust that yesterday the serenity of my Sunday morning was broken by the sound of my neighbours quarrelling. At first I distinctly thought that the younger kids were watching Power Rangers louder than usual, but then the shrill shrieks interspersed with the sound of heavy footsteps and broken glass convinced me that this was real life drama. Next doors.

Now, what in heaven’s name could bring any couple to such emotional heights at such an early hour, and that on a Sunday, too? A few reasons instantly came to my mind, but sleepiness soon overcame me and, notwithstanding the din, I fell into slumber again.

Later, during breakfast, Nina broached the subject of the noisy neighbours and I posed that hypothetical question to her. I was just expecting simple answers such as “maybe one of them discovered that the other is having an affair” or something like that, but her terse reply was nonetheless more cultured: “maybe it was an expectation not met”.

The answer intrigued us both; and as we discussed further, we found this subject to be quite a food for thought. An unmet expectation. What does one expect for in the first place? Was it ever made known to the other party? Was it a condition of marriage, or just a bonus? Was it fair? And, above all, was it realistic?

Choosing a life partner is, despite all its other similarities, not the same as choosing which car to buy. For a start, whilst most cars are expensive to buy and relatively cheaper to maintain; a spouse is cheap to `buy’ but expensive to maintain. And, unlike a car, a spouse carries no warranty whatsoever, and most of the time there’s no chance of a cooling off period, a major repair, a re-sell or a trade-in. No insurance and certainly, no `Money Back Guarantee’.

But, as in all `purchase’, you enter into a contract of marriage with some expectations. These are expectations which, more often than not, remain unsaid or even unimportant at some point of time but which would somehow surface at the most unexpected time and much to the horror of the other spouse. For example, that MD who drives the latest 740Li BMW, or that CEO who brandishes his platinum cards in much the same way Hang Jebat wields his Tamingsari may end up less than charming as a husband. Or that Gusti Puteri lookalike who regularly blushes and doesn’t speak much as a fiancé may turn out to be a talkative parrot whose Java accent can make the real Puteri Gunung Ledang blush.

Okay, so perhaps those are extraneous expectations. As a general rule, the more expectations you choose to harbour, the more you must be prepared for frustration. But still, some of these expectations are so pertinent to a marriage that they become the `conditions of sale’ in the marriage contract. For example, in a marriage, both parties warrant that they are free to enter into the contract, able to consummate the marriage, have no STD or AIDS etc. So, if later one of them is found to hide the fact that he was HIV-positive ab initio, then such marriage could be held voidable at the option of the non-defaulting party by reason of misrepresentation etc.

If that sounded like too much legalese to you, then just see it as a small guarantee insofar as a normal marriage contract is concerned. Unless, of course, if during your solemnization of marriage, you have also opted to execute a Pre-nuptial Agreement.

Essentially, these are legal documents spelling out your rights and duties during the subsistence of your marriage, and they can come in various forms and provisions. In Muslim marriages for example, these may appear in the form of a `Taaliq’, where immediately after the solemnization, the new husband reads out a few clauses that gives the wife certain rights for divorce in the event of the happening of certain circumstances. Generally these `taaliq’ is irrevocable and enforceable throughout your marriage, so be careful and make sure you understand what you are saying. Since these forms of `taaliq’ differs from state to state; technically you would be well advised to choose which state to marry in (not that you have much choice in it).

Some people did ask me if it is possible to opt not to read the `taaliq’. Some others wanted to know, in order to safeguard their own interests, if they could draft their own clauses to counter the existing ones for their wives to pronounce. Technically, of course, you can; but it would seem odd and absurd to enter into such a holy matrimonial alliance harbouring such insecurity and serious doubts against your own chosen life partner.

Thus, one of the first things to ensure is that you live up to whatever natural expectations in a marriage, lest your legally well-informed spouse could invoke one of the pre-nuptial clauses to your detriment. Perhaps, it’s high time for self-assessment. Which would invariably also include your latest (not 5 years ago) quarterly Sexual Key Performance Index (SKPI).

In these days of the internet and its resultant information boom, maintaining a comparative SKPI is more than a challenge. If you consider yourself a `One Minute Man’, then be very worried. Unlike spouses of yesteryears; modern spouses are well informed about `industry standards’, and Woe Unto Thee if you par well below the generally accepted size, strength and stamina. Perhaps that explains the sprouting of those `traditional massage centres’ and the predominant craze about Tongkat Ali, Kacip Fatimah, Jarum Emas and everything that supposedly gives benefit Down Under.

Well, if the sale of such aphrodisiacs continue to boost, maybe it’s indicative of spouses (especially the males) seriously reviewing their marital commitments and other people taking stock of the situation. Of course, the institution of marriage is much more sacred than the tangible act of maintaining your SKPI, but one would be well advised not to dismiss it altogether.

Having said all that, married life is still all about commitments and sacrifices of a different kind; things which you might not have thought about when you first fell in love. It’s no longer about climbing mountains and swimming fiery oceans, but rather it’s about more mundane things like doing household chores. Hence mutual understanding and periodical adjustments are of paramount importance to preserve marital harmony, and that includes readjusting our hopes, promises and expectations in or of the marriage. Life is challenging as it is, and much more challenging as a couple, so do whatever it takes. But, whatever you do, Don’t Wake Up Thy Neighbour.

Especially on quiet and peaceful Sunday mornings…

~ This article is dedicated to my wife Nina Norfaizah and my kids Daniellia Zainisya (11), Hilmi Firdaus (9), Daniellia Zetrisya (7) and Iqmal Firdaus (7) ~

Cheers & best regards,

Zaim Al-Amin
E 28, Fellowship of Kingtho (MCKK Class of 84)
Founder/Chairman, Bargreaves Ballerz (MCOBA Theatre Group)
Editorial Board Member, Berita MCOBA (MCOBA Bulletin)

Zaim Al-Amin, Esq.
Group Legal Advisor
Legal, Secretarial & Contracts Department
PROTANK GROUP OF COMPANIES
No. 30, Jalan SS25/23
Taman Mayang, Section 25
47301 Petaling Jaya
Selangor, MALAYSIA.
Tel : +603-78053190 (ext. 224)
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E-mail : zaimhq@mcoba.org
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